Reflections

March 20, 2019
I'll be entering the Orthodox church soon. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes. Why?
What will it be to become who the church is but still be me?
I'll be renamed, and I hope I change. 
I don't think I can make myself a person I want to be.
I can't remember if I have felt this unstable before. Probably.
Late on rent. Unscheduled days. Mentors and friends worried about the boy I love. Inside I am so afraid. That I'll drift away from God, or God will drift away from me. To a lesser degree, that I'll drift away from Dillon or Dillon will drift away from me.  I take solace from all of this in God's wings, but can I hide here forever?
I want to fix the loose ends but find myself unable to. Maybe it's okay to drift. I hope so. 

So odd to revisit my website. I don't care about any of this. I wish I could tell the stories of all these people without having to sell myself or hate myself and my work. Maybe someday I will. I don't feel sad about that. I'm just waiting.